There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
