well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
