You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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