Soap is not a condiment
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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