I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
