I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
