you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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