so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
