Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
