This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
