It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
