I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
