You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
