We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
