He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
