Well apparently he's into motor boating.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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