Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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