Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
