I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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