dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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