Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
