You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
