toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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