Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
