I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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