i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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