you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize