I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
