i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
