I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
