i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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