Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
