Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
