Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize