Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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