i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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