problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
