The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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