That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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