decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize