trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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