At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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