I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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