he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
