you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize