Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize