I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
