i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
