The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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