I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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