I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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