It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
