There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize