Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
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