yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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