Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Randomize
