called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
