I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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