the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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