life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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