small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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