So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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