So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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