your parents love me but you hate me
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Operation Purity has been aborted
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
