u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize