You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
