There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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