Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
