I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
