Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
