He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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