Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
